The Top Five Songs I Sing That Make Me Hate Myself
And keep in mind that I sing a lot of songs. Like, a severe amount. If the number of songs I sing a day was the number of fingers you had, you’d be like some incredible mutant who was really popular with the ladies (RE: fingerbanging). While some of these songs are original and potentially groundbreaking and some are well-loved classics, some are worthless and make me want to hit myself, which would be pointless (RE: I’m a pussy). These are the latter.
- 5. ”Baby” by Justin Bieber (actual lyrics sung: “I was like baby, baby, baby, ohhh” times a trillion)
- 4. ”You’re the Inspiration” by Chicago (actual lyrics sung: ”When you love somebody, no one needs you more than I need yooooou. Inspiration! And I know!”)
- 3. ”Mandy” by Barry Manilow (actual lyrics sung: whatever the fuck I want. Barry can’t dictate who came and gave without taking.)
- 2. ”I Want to Know What Love Is” by Foreigner (actual lyrics sung: again, the chorus times a trillion. However long it takes until I force myself to shut up or whoever I’m with gives in and shows me what love is [this has never happened].)
- 1. ”I Don’t Want to Wait” by Paula Cole* (actual lyrics sung: all of them. Every last one. I start with the “du du de du”s and follow through till the fadeout. This might not make me want to harm myself if I actually knew the words instead of just the melody and also if the song didn’t conjure up tough memories of my stepdad mumbling at me about his Dawson’s Creek obsession.)
*Fun fact: the first time, I put Paula Abdul instead of Paula Cole. How crazy would that song be, Paula Abdul’s “I Don’t Want to Wait?” So crazy.